For That Special Someone

One of the artists I enjoy listening to, Ed Sheeran. 

Since Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, I wanted to share some of the things I believe are important to me in a relationship:

• Don’t get into a relationship just to be with someone, get into a relationship because there is potential for something special.

• Don’t get into a relationship if you’re not willing to compromise, get into a relationship because you are willing to bend a little to achieve happiness for both. Who wants to be in a relationship where only one person is happy?

• Don’t expect things to change if you don’t communicate, communication is needed to express what’s important to you in an easy and efficient way. People can’t always read minds even if they are good at reading signs.

• Don’t think in terms of black and white too much, think about all the possible ways of achieving happiness for both. There are many shades of grey in between, you just got to find the right shade for the both of you.

• Don’t get into a relationship if you’re not willing to learn, get into a relationship if you understand that perfection comes from learning. Learn from all situations and not just a specific one.

• Take the time to find out what you need in a relationship, no one wants to be with someone who can’t make up their mind.

• Don’t get into a relationship if you’re not willing to work hard for it, get into a relationship if you are willing to put in the work each and every day.

• Look for someone with the same beliefs and insight as you. It will save you a lot of time from learning those important areas, so you can use that time learning something else about them.

• Learn how to be honest and open minded when it comes to the things important to you or them. Try not to judge, it can help you understand each other a lot faster.

• People make mistakes sometimes, we are only human. Forgiveness and understanding that a few mistakes is not worth more than the relationship. But with forgiveness you must be able to learn. No one wants a person that keeps making the same mistakes.

• Learn how to change for the good of the relationship. People change all the time but they have the choice of who they want to change to.

• Have trust and patience. The mind can be our greatest enemy sometimes. Trust in the heart and know who holds it.

• Having good morals and a passion in life. It shows that you have spent time to become confident and understand that there is more to life than just you. Confidence is what a lot of people look for in a relationship.

• Learn how to be more compassionate, understanding each other is vital to a lasting relationship. It also helps you be more considerate of one other in certain situations.

Two Simple Things We Can Do to Save a Life

something we all need to do.

Awareness, about 4 years ago my life got turn upside down. The passing of my dad was one of the most tragic and painful memory I ever experienced. I was still a sleep at my apartment in Menasha and I awoke to the sound of my phone ringing. I picked up my phone and it was my brother Houks on the other line. He told me that my dad had just passed away and my mom wanted me to stop by the hospital to support the family.

I was in total shock because I just saw my dad the other day and now, he was gone forever... I couldn't face my family just yet so spent that weekend at my apartment thinking about all the things I could do to prevent this from ever happening again.  The major causes of his death was from a heart attack 10 years earlier followed by a stoke that immobilized the left side of the body, the causes of that were from poor eating habits and not exercising.

A quick song I wrote for my dad about a year after his passing. 

Sorry, spur of the moment thing so its not the greatest but it expresses something i never told him. 

I want people to become more aware that some our parents were never educated in eating right and exercising, especially the older Hmong folks. I believe we can prevent disease like heart attacks and strokes just by teaching them how important these two things are to be able to live a healthy lifestyle. This thought has been on my mind ever since the passing of my dad and I wanted to do something to make people more aware of the issue.

 Change, I started my mom on a cardio route this past weekend and plan to do the route with her until it becomes a habit. What seem so easy to us seems is so hard for them; she wasn't use to the movements and her body control was all over the place. I believe with a little encouragement and some effort can go a long way. In time she will build more confidence and be able to exercise on her own. Over the years I also have educated my mom and family on having a healthy diet and the importance of certain vitamins.

My moms first day of  doing her cardio route. 

After a week of exercising i already notice a big improvement in her movements. 

 Eating right and exercise may seem so simple to us, since we were taught this during our childhood while growing up in the United States.  If you have the knowledge to stay healthy and you choose not to stay health that's you're fault, but for the people that was never educated in these subjects they at least deserve a chance. Theses two things are very simple but vital to keeping people we love living long and strong.

 Please start by putting effort into educating the people that need it. It may seem minimal but if everyone helps out, it can make big difference. It took me a long time but I’m glad I’m finally starting to help my mom live a healthier lifestyle. If you ever had a love one that passed away from the lack of theses two things, you should already know how painful it is. Is a little effort a day too much to ask for? especially if you can save a love one from suffering...

Kiss Good Night

The scent of her still lingers fresh and inviting like the very first day of spring. As I close my eyes and slowly inhale, I take in a deep breath. The sweet smell of her skin starts to make its way into my starving lungs filling it with a rewarding satisfaction. Drifting between dream and reality, I can picture it so clearly with the clarity of traffic sounds in the background. The moon hanging in the sky was full and bright, wind blowing snow drifting high up into the street lights.  We were bundled up in our thick wool jackets, noses red and pretty scarves wrapped around our necks. Standing there still, for a moment our bodies planted parallel on the cold and icy pavement.

We faced each as my eyes started to shift down her face.  Soon as our eyes connected and it felt as if the world started to fade away. At that moment we were one, as if we were staring back at ourselves. We were suspended; we were lost in a zone where time didn't exist. Eyes still locked in each other’s gaze, as quick as we were in bliss; we were back in this harsh and snowy environment. I reached out my arms and embrace the fullness of her body, hugging tightly that there were no gaps left between us, or so I imagined. I take the time to fully appreciate how we fit so well together, like a piece of a puzzle that was missing, finally found, finally completed.

As our faces met, and I felt the pressure of her breathe against the side of my neck, its warmth and constant flow brought goose bumps descending down me back, shivers echoed through every inch of my body. Our chilly cheeks brushed ever so slightly for a second and I turn to plant a quick peck on the left side of her face. I lean my head back and catch a glimpse of her full and glossy lips glistering underneath the light post. Like a homing missile I was locked on my target, going in for the kill, impact, our lips collided. Even in this winter climate her lips was soft as velvet, delicious as the first time that I tasted them.  

Taking a step back our hands still clasps tightly together, hearts racing with one another. I knew the night was coming to an end but a feeling of longing still consumed me. I slowly feel our hands slipping away from each other as we inched towards our destinations. I say goodnight as the tips of our fingers break away into the cold thin air, arms still extended outwards. Watching her intensely as if in slow motion making her way up the snow covered stairs. By the time she made it to door my arms was resting quietly by my side, eyes still focused solely on her as she turned around to wave a last goodbye.  Her smile that can melt away the coldness within seconds, her look that was so memorizing and stunning, she was beautiful. I quickly smile and wave back as we turned away from each other. Anxiously waiting to be in her presents again…

Becoming the Difference

I feel, this year, is the start of something special for me; a new and exciting journey towards what I have always known was inevitable.  It is something that was already there, when as an adolescent walking into my first day of class. Now, I am a lot older but, the feeling is still the same burning and pushing me towards something that I could not figure out, until just a few years ago. As an adolescent, I was much the same as I am today, but my confidence has grown by learning from the inside out and not from the outside in. 

 A typical education teaches you to act a certain way so you can survive in this dog eat dog world.  This really brought down my confidence as an adolescent; I felt I had to be tough and not care about people.  So I chose to just stay quiet and not talk about my feelings because I thought it did not conform to what our society perceived to be as normal. I knew I could never be the person they wanted me to become, and it made me think I was inferior to people that could just step on people with no remorse.  After pretending to be someone else for so long, it takes a toll on you.  You punish yourself daily by asking the same question, “Why am I different or why do I feel this way?”

Oshkosh Hmong New Year Dec. 1985 - Dad

About 7 years ago, I was introduce to the original teachings of the Buddha by one of my coworker and that, changed my life for good.  I give him a lot credit because he taught me a lot about acceptance and seeing beyond current views.  We always had riveting conversations about life and how to improve the living of life.  I could never have these types of conversations with any of my friends or family, in this aspect I was pretty much alone.  Sometimes I wish he was the father figure I could have talked to growing up in my youth.  

As an adolescent, I was full of questions and really had no one to turn to because my siblings were also experiencing their own hardships. I don’t blame my parents for not giving me what I needed as an adolescent because I can see that they did the best they could, particularly my mom.  It was probably harder for my parents to adjust to this new way of life in the United States even though it kept them from the dangers of war.  I feel bad because I have not contacted this ex-coworker since I moved back to the Fox Cities.  One thing I want to improve on this year, is building relationships that will inspire me to become the person I've always wanted to be.  It is necessary to find support no matter how strong and capable you are as a individual.

Oshkosh Hmong New Year Dec. 2012 - Mom

Over the years, I had to rethink about a lot of concepts that was taught to me in my youth. I had to rewrite myself by throwing out the nonsense and bringing in ideas that would actually benefit me and everyone around me, also at the same time keeping an open mind to all and not just the majority .  I believe that Compassion is not a weakness and that it is a way to teach everyone to understand our differences.  It is a way to help make life easier by standing together and not against one another.  

It helps you understand all different perspectives of living and that even with the differences we are all still the same.  I believe the strong has an obligation to help the weak, this is not survival of the fittest, and we are humans with the capability to think abstractly and reach beyond the natural instincts of wild animals. I now understand why I was so compassionate…because I believe I am here to make difference.  To be that father figure that I wanted as an adolescent, to be the one that answers the difficult questions, to be the one to bring compassion to someone by showing that they are not alone, and that it is not wrong to want to be different and unique.

Jan. 2015 - Cheezhang Va