I feel,
this year, is the start of something special for me; a new and exciting journey
towards what I have always known was inevitable. It is something that was already there, when as
an adolescent walking into my first day of class. Now, I am a lot older but,
the feeling is still the same burning and pushing me towards something that I could
not figure out, until just a few years ago. As an adolescent, I was much the
same as I am today, but my confidence has grown by learning from the inside out
and not from the outside in.
A typical education teaches you to act a certain way so you can survive in this dog eat dog world. This really brought down my confidence as an adolescent; I felt I had to be tough and not care about people. So I chose to just stay quiet and not talk about my feelings because I thought it did not conform to what our society perceived to be as normal. I knew I could never be the person they wanted me to become, and it made me think I was inferior to people that could just step on people with no remorse. After pretending to be someone else for so long, it takes a toll on you. You punish yourself daily by asking the same question, “Why am I different or why do I feel this way?”
A typical education teaches you to act a certain way so you can survive in this dog eat dog world. This really brought down my confidence as an adolescent; I felt I had to be tough and not care about people. So I chose to just stay quiet and not talk about my feelings because I thought it did not conform to what our society perceived to be as normal. I knew I could never be the person they wanted me to become, and it made me think I was inferior to people that could just step on people with no remorse. After pretending to be someone else for so long, it takes a toll on you. You punish yourself daily by asking the same question, “Why am I different or why do I feel this way?”
Oshkosh Hmong New Year Dec. 1985 - Dad
About 7 years ago, I
was introduce to the original teachings of the Buddha by one of my coworker and
that, changed my life for good. I give
him a lot credit because he taught me a lot about acceptance and seeing beyond
current views. We always had riveting
conversations about life and how to improve the living of life. I could never have these types of
conversations with any of my friends or family, in this aspect I was pretty
much alone. Sometimes I wish he was the
father figure I could have talked to growing up in my youth.
As an adolescent, I was full of questions and really had no one to turn to because my siblings were also experiencing their own hardships. I don’t blame my parents for not giving me what I needed as an adolescent because I can see that they did the best they could, particularly my mom. It was probably harder for my parents to adjust to this new way of life in the United States even though it kept them from the dangers of war. I feel bad because I have not contacted this ex-coworker since I moved back to the Fox Cities. One thing I want to improve on this year, is building relationships that will inspire me to become the person I've always wanted to be. It is necessary to find support no matter how strong and capable you are as a individual.
As an adolescent, I was full of questions and really had no one to turn to because my siblings were also experiencing their own hardships. I don’t blame my parents for not giving me what I needed as an adolescent because I can see that they did the best they could, particularly my mom. It was probably harder for my parents to adjust to this new way of life in the United States even though it kept them from the dangers of war. I feel bad because I have not contacted this ex-coworker since I moved back to the Fox Cities. One thing I want to improve on this year, is building relationships that will inspire me to become the person I've always wanted to be. It is necessary to find support no matter how strong and capable you are as a individual.
Oshkosh Hmong New Year Dec. 2012 - Mom
Over the
years, I had to rethink about a lot of concepts that was taught to me in my
youth. I had to rewrite myself by throwing out the nonsense and
bringing in ideas that would actually benefit me and everyone around me, also at
the same time keeping an open mind to all and not just the majority . I believe that Compassion is not a weakness
and that it is a way to teach everyone to understand our differences. It is a way to help make life easier by
standing together and not against one another.
It helps you understand all different perspectives of living and that even with the differences we are all still the same. I believe the strong has an obligation to help the weak, this is not survival of the fittest, and we are humans with the capability to think abstractly and reach beyond the natural instincts of wild animals. I now understand why I was so compassionate…because I believe I am here to make difference. To be that father figure that I wanted as an adolescent, to be the one that answers the difficult questions, to be the one to bring compassion to someone by showing that they are not alone, and that it is not wrong to want to be different and unique.
It helps you understand all different perspectives of living and that even with the differences we are all still the same. I believe the strong has an obligation to help the weak, this is not survival of the fittest, and we are humans with the capability to think abstractly and reach beyond the natural instincts of wild animals. I now understand why I was so compassionate…because I believe I am here to make difference. To be that father figure that I wanted as an adolescent, to be the one that answers the difficult questions, to be the one to bring compassion to someone by showing that they are not alone, and that it is not wrong to want to be different and unique.
Jan. 2015 - Cheezhang Va
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